Little Thoughts

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Sometimes I end up feeling bad about things I shouldn't and often find myself apologizing for them. To be honest it is probably my biggest weakness, because it often leads me into situations where I get walked all over or am just mistreated, and I just end up feeling miserable for a long time. I find myself becoming devastated over some mean or inconsiderate thing a person says to me which is completely not true, and then fine myself apologizing for it. 

I feel like I have started getting better about it, and that it doesn't hurt me for as long, the problem is it still hurts me. Things that were said years ago still pop up every now and then to haunt me. And I just start to agonize over all the details again, to see what I could have done differently. But I am starting to come to the realizations that there is only so much blame I can take, and only so much I can do to mend things. If other people aren't willing to meet you half way there's not much you can do right? It still hurts though. 

Oh Phoenix I wish I could just visit you without it hashing up old wounds.

Little Thoughts is a once in awhile free writing I do about things that bug me or just give me the blues. 

9 comments:

  1. OMG stop it, that kitty is TOO CUTE.

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  2. I know exactly what you mean. It is hard, at the end you feel bad even though you are the one that did no wrong so you automatically think you need to apologize because you feel bad. And yes if other people aren't willing to meet you half way there isn't much you can do. Just do what you feel is right and what in the long run will benefit you. It is hard to realize when people are walking all over you. Just keep your chin up sweetie! <3

    -Sarah
    http://sarahvonspook.blogspot.com/

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  3. I feel the same way! Sometimes, you just have to stand up for yourself in things that you're not comfortable with or else you'll end up walking that path. At times it's a good thing because it leads to self-growth, but at other times it's just terrible. One of the hardest things I have to deal with is saying 'no' to something I'm uncomfortable with. If the person is truly your friend and cares about you, they won't push you or start hating you forever :).

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  4. I'm pretty sure I don't have any good advice for you. Thoughts and events haunt me too and they would seem insignificant to an outsider. It's difficult to get past embarrassment or guilt and the only thing that helps me is to remind myself of the reality of the moment. Yes that did happen and it's ok to remember it, but my feelings about the situation are not helpful now. Remember that you've probably grown into an even better person because of negative things! Maybe it will help you through the next slump :)

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  5. I'm the exact same way, friend. Though I can't seem to remember compliments and nice words, I can quote exactly everything rude anyone's said to me like gospel. I don't have any advice for you, just know that I totally feel you. <3

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  6. I've found I have the same problem. Going back home always makes it a bit more intense, walking past old places that still have physical evidence of a bad time are the worst. But realizing that you don't need to feel that way is good, cause it's a step towards that not happening anymore. It's hard to see that you're always apologizing for to people for things that they did, and it's not worth it. Hard to give up when things get one-sided but it tends to be better in the end. :)

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  7. Oh, I hear you. I am the worst for this. I'm also bad for holding all of those bad feelings inside for far longer than is healthy, and then, eventually, I explode with tears or an full blown temper tantrum.

    I hope that you continue on your path to letting these awful things go. If you figure out how, do share! I could use the help.

    Sending all my love to you!

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  8. I feel the same way all the time. It's difficult knowing you need to change something like that because the way you feel or act is so difficult to change.
    I wish you the best of luck in your situation. I hope you find emotions easier to let go of, but if you don't, it's totally normal. It will all get better with time :)

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  9. Aww. Words are so powerful. They have such an ability to injure. If you're a person of feeling, you can internalize them in a way that was never meant to happen. There's so much to think about and do in this beautiful world. Don't worry, everyone has to be a little duck sometimes

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